An important dynamic integral to codependent relationships is that of the āgiverā and the ātakerāāthe giverĀ assumes responsibility for meeting the takerās needs (while neglecting their own needs), and the taker desires and encourages this behavior.Ā
The reason codependency is a problem isĀ thatĀ the giver pours so much time and energy into the taker that they can lose their sense of self. Codependent relationships can also coincide with abusive and one-sided relationships.Ā
Some common signs ofĀ a codependent relationship include enmeshment (rather than independent) and imbalance (instead of equity).3Ā Ā
Some of the common characteristics of a codependent personāthe giverāinclude:Ā Ā
Codependency can also occur alongside addiction. The term itself was coined in the 1950s to describe the toxic relationship people had with friends or family members with substance use disorder. Someone trying to quit addiction may lean on those around them to an unhealthy extent, and their family members or others may feel an extreme need to care for the person with substance use disorder.Ā
Withdrawal,Ā the unpleasant challenge that comes after someone tries to quitĀ anĀ addiction,Ā can be taxing on the mind and bodyĀ andĀ can put someone with a substance use disorder in an extremely vulnerableĀ position. Family members and others may find that codependent dynamics feel natural inĀ the withdrawal periodĀ that their loved one goes through while trying to quitĀ theĀ addiction.Ā Ā
These codependent dynamics could include enabling the personās drug abuse, soothing withdrawal symptoms by providing the substance, putting the person with substance use disorderās emotional needs above their own, and becoming overly enmeshed in the personās life.Ā However,Ā theseĀ dysfunctional family patterns, like beingĀ tooĀ involved in someone elseās journey towards quitting addictionĀ and drug abuse, can veer into extreme codependency veryĀ quickly.Ā Ā
According to Darlene Lancer, JD, MLFT,Ā codependents often spend large amounts of time and energy investing into the person they are in a codependent dynamic with, often neglecting their own needs. ThisĀ viewpointĀ can even lead to obsessive behavior.5Ā
Codependents canĀ obsessĀ about those they love, including the problems that their lovedĀ one’sĀ struggle with.Ā In this way addiction vs. obsession becomes a compounded problem on top of the codependent relationship.6 Ā
Take a moment to answer the following questions:Ā
If you answered āyesā to some or most of these questions, you may have codependent tendencies or be in a codependent relationship.
On the flip side, if you engage in the opposite of the questions listed aboveāin other words, if you expect someone else to do the above behaviors for youāyou may be the ātakerā in a codependent relationship.Ā Ā
Ultimately, codependency is harmfulĀ toĀ the giver and theĀ takerāit drains the giverĀ and diminishes their self-esteem, and the taker becomes unequipped to deal with responsibilities in their life.Ā Treatment is necessary to end the harmful patterns of codependency.Ā Ā
LikeĀ quittingĀ anĀ addiction, getting out of a codependent relationship involves first identifying the problem. The next step isĀ talking to the other person involved in the codependent relationship, then seeking counseling or therapy, individually or together.Ā Ā
Family therapy may be usefulĀ in treating dysfunctional family patterns including codependency, while couples counseling can be useful for treating codependency in a romantic relationship.Ā A therapist can determine if the problems in your life are indeed codependency, and help you find ways to move away from dysfunctionalĀ family or relationshipĀ patterns. Ultimately, treatment can liberate codependents from the compulsive need to fix or save others and teach them how to balance their needs with others’.7Ā Ā Ā Ā
Iris HealingĀ® strives to be diligent and prompt in updating the information available on our website. Please note, however, that our treatment modalities and protocols are subject to change at any time. For the most up-to-date details regarding our treatment offerings or other protocols, please contact us: (844)663-4747
At Iris HealingĀ®, we offer a free and confidential verification of benefits with no commitment required. For our in-network insurance partners, Iris HealingĀ® accepts PPO, EPO, and HMO plans. For out-of-network insurance, we accept most PPO policies. We are happy to answer any questions you have related to insurance coverage for mental health and addiction treatment.
Licensed by the State Department of Health Care Services.
Iris Healing Center
Certification: 190056AP
Expiration Date: 12/31/2025
Iris Healing Retreat
License Number: 190943AP
Expiration Date: 1/31/2025
Licensed by the State Department of Health Care Services.
Iris Healing Center
Certification: 190056AP
Expiration Date: 12/31/2025
Iris Healing Retreat
License Number: 190943AP
Expiration Date: 1/31/2025
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